Sayings & Short Stories
A kitten's purr is the simple realization that you are in good hands. (Katie Thompkins, visitor submission)
When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a housecat. All you do is eat, sleep and just for fun...terrorize your owners! (ŠLisa Brewer)
Guide to Owning a Proper Amount of Cat/Cats (ŠLisa Brewer)
- One Cat...Everyone in the house gives it attention and a fight errupts over who it likes the best!
- Two Cats...These two will usually play together, therefore not requiring so much attention! At night, while you are trying to sleep, they will fight like heck and wake up the whole house!
- Three Cats...The oldest cat in the house gets some attention and the youngest cat gets the most. The cat in the middle feels left out and responds by terrorizing the other two cats!
- Four Cats...They always manage to empty the food dish at night. Your mornings consist of trying to dodge cats to get to the bathroom and make your coffee so you can wake up enough to feed the darn things!
- Five or more Cats...Total chaos and insanity! You will need to buy some cat furniture if you want your furniture back.
The name most used for a pet cat is 'Kitty'. The most used phrase is 'Here Kitty, Kitty' with 'You Stupid Cat' running close behind. (ŠLisa Brewer)
I once had a black male cat I named Black Jack. Everyone would ask me, "How did you come up with that name?". I explained that the pool (of money) in a Black Jack game was called a 'kitty'. The two years I had my cat, Black Jack, were my luckiest years! (ŠLisa Brewer)
I once heard that a pet is supposed to be an extension of your personality. I'm not like my cat and will not look up at you with pathetic eyes, rub against your leg and beg for your attention. I will not show enthusiasm and chase after anything and everything you 'throw my way'. Most of all, I absolutely refuse to sniff anything you put in front of my face! (ŠLisa Brewer)
My husband once wanted to put a big fancy birdbath in the back yard. We had four cats at that time that were great hunter's. I asked him why he wanted to go through all the time and expense when it would just end up as a 'huge cat food bowl' in our back yard. (ŠLisa Brewer)
One morning, we were sitting at the kitchen table. Out of the blue, my husband stated that I treat the cats better than him. I was apalled and asked him how he had come up with such an idea. "Well", he said, "just this morning one of the cats came in and woke us up. You smiled, petted him and told him what a cute cat he was. I got up and started the coffee. By the time I got back, you had rolled over and gone back to sleep. I tried to wake you up and tell you the coffee was almost ready. You just growled and threw the pillow at me." I apologized and then tried to lighten things up by suggesting that maybe he should try 'nudging up against me' to wake me up 'like the cats do'. "The last time I did that", he said sarcastically, "you woke up long enough to realize I was on one side of you and the cat was curled up on the other side. The cat got the petting that I was hoping for!". (ŠLisa Brewer)
My son used to like to draw his own pictures and then color them. He once drew a picture of one of our cats and colored the cat a brilliant green. He proudly brought me his new picture and I assured him that it was very nice. I then inquired as to why he had decided to color the cat green. He said,"The cat's gonna turn green. He just ate your favorite plant". (ŠLisa Brewer)
Things my cats have learned growing up (ŠLisa Brewer)
- Everything in the house was put there for me to climb. Curtains are great, but the Christmas tree is the best.
- Scratching posts are great and you should always use them while the human is awake. While they are sleeping, all the other items in the house become mine to scratch.
- Everything found on the floor is mine to sniff. If it smells good, I will eat it. If it does not smell good, it becomes an instant cat toy and will eventually be added to my collection of stuff under the refrigerator, stove or furniture.
- Waking up a human can be fun. You can try walking all over them. You can stick your cold nose in their ear and purr loudly. You can paw at their face and then lay on it. You can lick or bite their nose. You can turn around and whap them in the face with your tail. Always be on the alert for flying hands, but you will succeed in waking them up!
- Wait patiently on top of a high spot and wait for another unsuspecting cat to walk casually by. Then pounce on them to achieve the loudest growls and screeches.
- Do not get on the table and countertops while the human is awake. If they accidentally left anything there after they went to sleep, it is mine to mutilate.
- There is a monster under the cushions of the couch. I will get it by pawing fiercely in and around the edges of the couch cushion.
- The broiler is not a good place to sneak into. When it turns on, it gets hot and singes my whiskers.
- I am not satisfied that my mess in the cat box has been buried until I have tried to bury it for at least two minutes with the wall.
- If you want attention from a human when they are busy and rubbing up against them does not work, sit in an obvious spot and just stare at them.
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